Dylan

And most of the time I don't even feel bad about it. It's not like I'm picking on puppies. These are people with power; buffed-up arm muscles from carrying overstocked goody bags and all the access to foreign babies they could want.

They are not to be pitied. Well, not until this weekend.

It would have started like any other awards weekend. In the run-up following the regimented checklist to ensure you don't end up in Heat with an arrow pointing to your stretch marks, sweat patches and camel's hoof (look the last one up). With the clock ticking the A-Z- listers have to stop work to have colonics, swallow as many bloat-reducing tablets as possible, create a diet consisting of dock leaves and dust, daily facials and fit in a twice-weekly session with a sandblaster to shave off a few years.

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